Work-life balance

Hey Fluffy, nice to see you back!

I have been there and life at home made me suspend my nursing studies on 2 occasions, as at the end of the day I asked myself this question:

What is more important to me at this time with 3 children?

My answer was my children, although I was very bitter and resentful at the time of giving up my studies as I had worked so hard to achieve the results I had and they were very good given the circumstances! I now feel I did the right thing as your only given the chance at being a mum once through all the stages of your childrens lives and being a mum to teenagers was something I really did not envisage, as there is no manual for how to deal with situations arising from life for a person with other people/children in their lives. This is simply because of the diversity in the nature of us as individual human beings and the environment surrounding us.

Some people cope well with study and children, but sadly I have no immediate family around to help now, as the support I had when starting my studies came from my husbands mum and she died a couple of years ago from ovarian cancer!

Dealing with a depressed hubby due to his bereavement (also mine and our childrens loss of Nana), teenagers kicking off with hormones raging and wanting thier mum or a slice of me and studying/working my butt off on placement took its toll on me as I was also dealing with everything else that one does in a normal home. Coming back after a 12 and half hour shift and having to make a dinner or take daughter to gym with only a half hour break in that shift then I was exhausted! I fell into bed with not wanting to eat as I was on hyper alert, only to start my next shift at 7.30am the next morning and I did this for several months as well as studying late into the evening as my children saw it fit to call me very often as I was not around as much as I was before my nursing studies! I don't know but my children seemed more needy than most(compared with my friends children),as they went from a mum that baked,did art and crafts with them,took them swimming,read stories every day,took them to the park or for a walk with the the dog and helped them with their homework, to a mum that struggled to do this ontop of my studies

Anyway I do have a very best friend that studied with me and she has 4 children and she is now a staff nurse! I guess she had more support than me as her husbands mother is still alive and doing what my mother in law did for me!

We have not been so close lately as all I have to tell her is doom and gloom and I did not want to drag her down as she has her own problems.

Anyway no-one will break into your home to find you did not do the washing up or fold the washing, take the full bin bag out, put a duvet cover back on your duvet because you did not dry it in time, check your toilet or bathroom to find a few stains, check your windows as your so busy looking at the computer window studying you have not had time to even look through your own windows to see or be nosey as to what is going on in your street!

You cope because you have too! Its a matter of survival and we all do this!

If I were you then I would go swimming on a Sunday!

I do this with my 7 year old son every week like I did with my now grown up daughters and they swim like fish lol! Until recently I was loathe to put my fat body into a piece of material warts and all, but I did and did not get out till my fingers were so wrinkled they could have belonged to an 90 year old I have been suffering with depression, but was unwilling to seek medical help for several reasons and the main one being ashamed to admit the fact as was employed by the medical profession and I was thinking of changing jobs and on the medical questionairre it asks if you have suffered any mental health issues like depression!

You know discrimination exists in the nursing profession and especially due to mental health issues! It should not be and it is actually unlawful to discriminate on these grounds, depending on the individual and what nature/form the depression is caused by!

You have to stop doing what makes you feel upset,cross,angry or emotional and take a break and often that means eat something,have a sleep or talk to a friend!

it really does work if you don't get tired,hungry or lonely!     

Edited by Pure Maiden!

Stuart how on earth did you manage to stay married?

I applaud you for working so hard and your wife/partner for sticking with you and doing the hardest job in the world as being a mum to your children

You know I would be so lucky as a mum to stay in a Travelodge watching the Bill on tv a million times to give me a break, but saying that I would be out of my mind if I had to do this all the time as I so love my family

I am so glad your finally able to spend time with your family and you know that even when your children are home with you and I quote "although the kids might as well have been at school for all I saw of them" then they know your home and your there at bedtime and they are just doing the routine thing of being occupied like children do, but they know their dad is there and even a kiss and cuddle before bed is nearly always enough for them to feel loved,settled and secure in the knowledge their dad is still part of their lives even if in the past you have not been able to do so!

Your a very lucky man to have such an understanding wife I say as I think I could not cope knowing my husband was away most nights working, even if I knew it was for the benefit for us as a family!

I was braught up with my foster father in the RAF and my poor mother was left alone for weeks on end with us 4 girls and then a year plus when he had to go to the Falklands. I am happy to say they are still together, but that is a testiment to marriage in the 1960's and values now are not so grounded.

Enjoy your life with your family and thank that little portable printer of yours that lives in the back of your car

Yipee to finally getting to have a life again!

I feel I should give you an illustration though - I'm not really so neglectful as it looks.

for example last October 14th I drove 280 miles to Bedford to deliver a course to speech and language therapists at Bedford hospital on the 15th. Then I drove back home so I could see my stepson Aidan on his brthday (16th) when he got up. Then that afternoon I drove all the way back to Bedford to train more people on the 17th.

I do value my family and I do give them all the time I can - it's a temporary thing. I'll have a life again soon enough.